Operation Shower Blog

For 21 days, we are accepting the Gratitude Challenge.   Join us in this and also in a night of gratitude at Operation Give Thanks!

Today’s challenge is to “take 5 minutes to write about how grateful you are for all the wonderful things that you currently have in your life.”  If any of you know me, you know I can’t do anything in 5 minutes (I am actually struggling not to make a list of the things I should do for this challenge — even though they already  told me what to do).  Anyway, so I am going to write for 5 minutes then that’s it. Here goes:

I am so grateful for the family I have –my husband and son who are virtually identical in looks and in spirit — and also my extended family and all its craziness.  And let me tell you we have a sitcom-ready family, but I am so grateful that we are not boring and that we love each other.  Crazy, yes.  Love, yes.

I am so grateful that I have been able to be a stay at home mom for my son’s life and that I have found a “calling” with Operation Shower.  I cannot believe the blessings I have found through this organization. The families I have met in the military have inspired me every day; the leaders who welcome us with open arms and love what we are doing and take the time to say so — the people I now work with in a common cause with joy and laughter every day.  They inspire me to be better than I thought I could be and to remind me of the importance of our mission.

I am so grateful that when I moved here with my 3 year old that I found a place where I could meet other moms and learn that I was not alone and that having to check my son’s breathing every night (still) — was normal (well, pretty normal).

I am so grateful . .

(ok, that took 6 minutes technically — and I ‘m so grateful that I could go on and on with this list .. . )

Day Four of the challenge is to write a short note of gratitude for something “negative” in your life. This one is easy for me. I eluded to it in my Alphabet. Thank you, Panic Disorder.

Let me stop you right here and let you know that I don’t want to offend anyone with this post, but I approach this subject with a little bit of irreverence. Having dealt with this for the past 16 years, I feel I’m allowed to talk about it however I want. If I want to say I have my own special kind of crazy, I can. If I couldn’t laugh…shudder…who knows how much worse this would be! Consequently, it drives me bananas when people use the phrase, “I had a panic attack” loosely. I get it, it’s just a phrase, but to anyone for whom this is a very, very real problem…yeah, that’s kind of annoying to say the least.  When you couldn’t find your keys and were almost late to work and had “a panic attack”, call someone else. When you can’t drive on the highway because you are struck with blinding fear that you will drive off the side of the overpass or you develop agoraphobia to the extent that you don’t leave your house for months or you could be the guest on a special “Inside Crazy Town” episode of Oprah, call me.

Since panic disorder came into my life there have been many things I’ve avoided. Relationships strained with my dependence on other people. Months wasted not living my life. Many tears shed and “why me?” questions asked. There has been depression and weight gain (which I lost, yay me)  and self-pity. Fear and loathing.

And gratitude. Yes, gratitude. I’m much more compassionate to people with psychological disorders. I’m more compassionate toward myself, too. I’m so much stronger from overcoming aspects of this problem and have realized what I’m capable of in ways I may not have if I wasn’t a little “special.” Grateful that I stuck to my decision to work this without medication. I think medication is an amazing tool and support those that choose it – it just wasn’t for me. It should make you feel like “you” again and that’s not what happened with me. I’m grateful for prayer in ways I may not have been. I’m am beyond grateful for having a sense of humor.

I’d love to say “I’m grateful for getting rid of Panic Disorder” but that is not the case. However, I AM grateful to say that my only real issue right now is driving on the highway. I had years where I had overcome that. But, like many people with this challenge, a bad life event manifested itself in panic and I’m back on the side roads again. I have been for about 3 years. Sure it poses problems. Going somewhere new is scary because I don’t know what roads I will face. Takes me longer to get anywhere. But that’s okay because I’ve come a really, really long way.

So, to review:

Maybe choose how you use the words “panic attack” because you never know what completely “normal” seeming person may go through.

Never doubt you can get through anything. Be patient with yourself. You are stronger than you know.

Call me if you need someone who understands what you are going through.

And, when you want to find 357 ways to get around St. Louis without using a highway, you can call me then, too.